What is Dating Violence?

Like domestic violence, dating violence is not about love—it is about power and control. Dating violence is when one person purposely hurts or scares someone they are dating. Dating violence happens to people of all races, cultures, incomes, and education levels. It can happen on a first date, or when you are deeply in love. It can happen whether you are young or old, and in heterosexual or same-sex relationships. Dating Violence is a pattern of violence behavior that someone uses against their partner to cause pain, humiliation, or gain control.

Prevalence

Dating violence is a serious problem in the United States. Many teens do not report it because they are afraid to tell friends and family.

The Nature of Dating Violence

Dating Violence occurs between two people in a close relationship. The nature of dating violence can be physical, emotional, or sexual.

Teens and young adults experience the same types of abuse in relationships as adults- The abuse behaviors of dating violence are not so different from what adults may face in domestic violence relationships - but teens are not equipped to handle. Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime.

Dating violence often starts with emotional abuse with teasing and name calling. Teens may think that behaviors like name calling or that insisting on seeing you all the time are a "normal" part of relationships. But these behaviors can lead to more serious violence like physical assault and rape.

While teens experience the same types of abuse as adults, often the methods are unique to teen culture. For example, teens often report "digital abuse" — receiving harassment or threats by text messages or being stalked on Facebook or MySpace.

Teenagers are often poorly equipped to deal with violence in romantic relationships. Many teens become overwhelmed by conflicting emotions or confuse controlling behavior with affection. And teens in violent relationships are often reluctant to tell adults who can help.

Physical Violence in Teen Dating Relationships

Physical violence can be hitting, slapping, kicking, pinching, shoving, grabbing, shaking, choking , throwing things or using a weapon. Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury.

Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Emotional/Psychological Abuse in Teen Dating Relationships are non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, isolation or stalking.

Sexual Violence

Sexual Violence in dating relationships may include:

• Unwanted touching, fondling, or groping
• Forced sexual activities
• Pressure to have sex
• Violence that does not involve physical contact such as:
  - Threatening to find someone who will do what he or she wants sexually
  - Verbal or sexual harassment
  - Threats of sexual violence
• Forcing a partner to engage in a sex act when he/she does not or cannot consent is illegal.
  - forcing or coercing them to do something sexual (even kissing or touching or a certain sex act is illegal).
  - or doing something sexual when the person is unable to give consent such as when asleep or drunk, unable to give consent.
• Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or even restricting access to birth control.

Warning Signs of Abuse

Dating violence often starts with emotional abuse. Some teens may think that behaviors like calling you names or insisting on seeing you all the time are a "normal" part of relationships. Some even think jealousy and possessiveness are signs of love!

Florida Dating Violence Law

Dating Violence Law- named after 2 college students in Orlando - Chapter 2008-252, House Bill 313 Cited as the “Barwick-Ruschak Act”. Named after Tiffany Barwick & Michael Ruschak, two UCF students killed by Barwick’s former boyfriend. Signed into law by Governor Crist in July 2008. Expands Florida’s domestic violence laws to cover dating relationships. Barwick reportedly tried to get help from law enforcement to no avail.

The law gives LEO more latitude in dealing with cases of dating violence, allowing officers to make warrantless arrests, if there is probable cause. Allowing victims to file a petition for an injunction for protection, prevent the abuser from entering your home, school, workplace… Also provides assistance to victims of dating violence including medical treatment & information/access to dating violence centers/shelters.

Talking with Your Teen

Studies indicate that teens experiencing dating violence rarely seek help from their parents or other adults.1 Instead, many choose to talk with friends. For this reason, you may want to consider starting the conversation with your teen, even if you think he or she is not ready to date, or if you feel uncomfortable with the topic. Remember, if your teen is not learning about dating from you, he or she may be learning about it from someone else who may not have your teen's best interests in mind.

Set Rules and Limits About Dating

When it comes to your teen and dating, you may wish to set and enforce some clear, sensible ground rules that are appropriate for your teen's age.

Consider involving your teen in setting these rules. You may also want to meet the parents of your teen's friends so that you can get to know them and discuss your family's dating rules.

Prevention

The ultimate goal is to stop dating violence before it starts. Strategies that promote healthy relationships are vital. During the preteen and teen years, young people are learning skills they need to form positive relationships with others. This is an ideal time to promote healthy relationships and prevent patterns of dating violence that can last into adulthood.

Prevention programs change the attitudes and behaviors linked with dating violence. One example is Safe Dates, a school-based program that is designed to change social norms and improve problem solving skills.

Many instances of dating violence can be prevented. Adolescence has been characterized as a “window of opportunity”, a time for adolescence to prepare for future relationships by learning healthy relationship skills. THAT IS WHY ADULTS SHOULD TALK TO TEENS NOW ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOOSING RESPECT AND DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.