Common Characteristics of the Perpetrator

1.    Lack of Communication

• Couples who use verbal violence in their relationship are far more likely to use physical violence as well.
• Extends beyond family. Research shows they lack close friends and have little contact with their neighbors.
• Do not communicate thoughts and feelings.
• Do not communicate with children - tendency to use physical discipline.
• Out of touch with feelings; jealousy, sadness, lonely, etc.

2.    Egocentric / Poor Self-Image

• Reacting to all things from a personal point of view
• Dependent on another person for sense of wellbeing.
• Inability to be alone and feel okay.
• Fear of intimacy - afraid to let another person know them.
• Blames others for their own problems and feelings.
• Believe they can control their emotions by controlling another person.
• Often feel they are less then they ought to be.
• May be dissatisfied with job, earnings, education, etc.

3.    Hypersensitive

• Excessively sensitive

4.    Jealousy

• Extreme jealousy - fear of being alone.
• Afraid to let the other person live his or her own life.

5.    Unrealistic Expectations

• Expects too much from victim and the “relationship”
• Expects all of his or her needs to be met and fulfilled by the “relationship”

6.    Cultural Upbringing

• Was raised in a violent home.
• Has the idea he "owns” his partner and has the "right" to control them.
• Rigid sex role stereotypes.
• Cultural conditioning - men in control - never back down.
• Society accepts and glorifies physical and verbal force under the right circumstances.

7.    Alcohol and/or Drugs

• Under the influence when physically violent, 80% of the time.
• Separate problems

8.    Mental Illness

• This proportion of abusers is no greater than the proportion of mentally ill people in the population at large.