Why Leaving an Abusive Relationship can be Difficult and Challenging

1. Fear

• Fear of more severe abuse or loss of life.
• Fear of children being kidnapped.
• Fear of not being able to make it on their own.
• Fear of not knowing where they will go.
• Fear he will harm her job or reputation.
• Fear he will have her arrested or charged with a crime or report her for child abuse.
• Fear he will kill himself.
• Fear of the abusive partner hurting family or friends.
• Fear that the abuser will come after them, destroy belongings or the home.
• Fear of being considered a “failure” in their relationship.
• Fear that no one will believe her.

2.   Love

• Hope they will change
• The abuser promises they will change

3.   No Place to go

• No friends or relatives to stay with. 
• Not sure about going to shelter

4.   Pity

• They may feel that their partner is ill and only they can take care of him/her
• Feel guilty if they leave.

5.Economic Dependency

• No money for deposits.  No income.
• No transportation
• Possibly not skilled for any occupation
• Doubt they can make it on their own
• Belief that it is difficult for women with children to find work
• Violent partners generally handle all the money.
• Lack of social services without a waiting period

6.    Low Self-Esteem

• Devalued by partner with negative comments and accusations.
• Social isolation - no access to positive reinforcement from others.
• May believe they are responsible.
• May believe this is the best they have the right to expect or that all marriages are like this.
• Social reinforcement.  Women feel the responsibility of success or failure of marriage; male victims are afraid to admit failure.
• Poor self-image. Loss of self-respect.
• Ashamed to tell anyone.
• Feels trapped in the marriage and/or relationship.
• May have experienced childhood abuse.

7.    Religious / Cultural Beliefs

• May feel that separation and divorce are wrong.
• Many battered women report that they sought help from their clergy initially and were told that it "was their lot in life to suffer," or "this was God's plan" or "pray for salvation" or the clergy attempted marital counseling.

8.    Children

• They may feel the children need both parents.
• Do not want the children to suffer financial hardship.
• May believe that since the children are not abused, they are okay.

9.Shame

• Feeling ashamed that “things got to this point”

10. Hope for Change

11.Denial / Minimizing