There are many definitions of codependency in use today. The concept of codependency originated to describe the behaviors people developed when living with an alcoholic or drug abuser. However, today this concept has been expanded to describe a learned pattern of behaving and problem solving that can develop during childhood by living in a dysfunctional family with unhealthy family rules, not necessarily involving substance abuse.
As adults, people who are codependent have a tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. The codependent person may then try to provide and control everything within a relationship without addressing his or her own wants or needs, leaving the codependent feeling unfulfilled.
Some Characteristics of Codependency:
- Being involved often in relationships with people who need help or are dependent.
- Feeling overly responsible for the actions or happiness of others.
- Having a tendency to do more than your fair share most of the time.
- Often feeling hurt when others don't appreciate your efforts.
- Feeling the need to control others.
- Excessive fear of abandonment or being alone that leads to an unhealthy dependence on relationships.
- Need for approval and recognition from others to feel good about oneself.
- Difficulty identifying your own feelings even though you may be good at identifying the feelings of others.
- Low self-esteem.
- Difficulties with intimacy and boundaries.
- Feeling guilty when being assertive.
- Difficulties with healthy communication.
- Having trouble identifying your own needs and/or getting those needs met.
Changing Codependent Behavior
People with codependent characteristics can be helped to change self-defeating patterns of behavior. Treatment may consist of education, support groups, and individual and group therapy. Therapy may involve exploring early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns, increasing awareness of non-helpful actions/behaviors/ways of thinking, learning skills such as assertiveness and communication, and working on developing new and healthier coping skills. The Women's Center offers a Self-Esteem/Co-Dependency therapy group for women who identify these issues and want to learn to develop healthier relationships with self and others.
Resources:
The following are some websites that have additional information on codependency:
For more information or help with this issue CALL The Women’s Center Counseling Services 242-1526 or 242-3110 ext 328.
